A Time For Thanks

Writers hate to be labeled as hackneyed or cliché, but one time of year that I don't mind doing what's expected is this week. Yes, we should be thankful all year long and I like to believe that I am, but this week is the time to pay special attention to all of the blessings in our lives. And I have a lot. So here's what I'm thankful for:

Samuel knows exactly
what to do when the
phone is pointed at him.

Family: Folks who know me are aware that I live with my parents. That's partly an economic thing, but it's also a family thing. My mom and dad took me in a few years back when I was going through a divorce and it's just worked out well enough that we decided to keep it this way. Yes, living as an adult with your aging parents has its unique challenges, but I believe the blessings far outweigh them. I love them very much and am thankful to still have them in my life. The same is true for my siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, and other family members, some of whom I don't see as often as I'd like, but they are also a great blessing to me. 

Friends: The gang of folks I hang around with, unofficially known as the Nerd Night Group, got a little larger this year. Part of that was by inducting new members--thanks for joining us, Cosbys--and partly by birth. Very shortly after Thanksgiving last year, Samuel Christian Schoenhut came into the world and completely stole my heart. There is just nothing in the world that
brings me greater joy than seeing him smile and hearing him laugh. I just love him more than I thought it was possible to love a miniature human. I know he's not my child, but I'm honored by the fact that Keith and Jennifer welcome me into their lives so that I feel like I'm actually contributing to his upbringing. So for my dear friends, I'm deeply thankful.

My wall of senior pics
that reminds me of all the
remarkable friends I've
had over the years. 

My Kids: I don't have any biological children, but every year I get the joy of temporarily adopting a bunch of kids who are officially my students, but I think of them as more than that. And there's a small group of kids who eat lunch in my room. Yesterday, on the last day before our Thanksgiving break, we all got together for what the kids dubbed "ThanksStephens." We had turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing--all the traditional favorites. But more than that, we had fellowship and laughter. It reminded me of just how amazingly blessed I am to do the job that I do. Sometimes I talk about retiring early if this writing thing ever takes off, but I'm just not sure I'm ready to give up these wonderful, loving, kind, hilarious kids. 

I could go on forever talking about all the remarkable things for which I'm grateful, but three seems like a good round number. I do want to say one last thing for which I'm thankful: you. All you lovely people who read this blog and buy my books. Your support means the world to me and I really do appreciate it. Now I leave it to you. I would love it if you would share what you're thankful for this Thanksgiving week. Comment here or on the Facebook link; either is great. But I'd really love to hear from everyone who reads this. 

Sometimes The Best Way To Improve Your Writing Is Not To Write

We all read those blog posts by writers (myself included) that say that you should write every day. Create a routine, write at least a little bit daily. And for the most part, it's good advice. If you aren't a writer but working to get better at something, the same rule of thumb applies. To get better, you need to practice regularly. 

But sometimes the best thing I do for my writing is not to write. When writing becomes routine and I start to lose the joy of it, then some time off is just the ticket. I'm not talking about taking a year off or even a whole month. I mean a few days or even a week or two. And I'm not talking about not getting my writing in because I'm busy. I'm saying that sometimes it's best to simply say--and even put it on my calendar if need be--that I'm not going to try to write this week. I'm going to take a few days away and do other things. Maybe take a trip and not take my computer so I'm not tempted. Or lie in bed for fifteen extra minutes in the morning, just enjoying the opportunity to wake up slowly instead of hitting the ground already running. Take longer walks, read more, visit with friends--all the things we sacrifice for this thing we've chosen to do but still get a little frustrated by how much of our lives it consumes sometimes. 

And by doing that, I find that when I go back to the writing, the joy has reappeared. I look forward to writing again. And I notice that I see my work-in-progress with fresh eyes. I become aware of plot-holes that weren't evident when I was in the midst of writing. I am excited to hear the voices of my characters again, to see where they've decided to go while I wasn't consciously thinking about them. 

How do I know how long to take off? There's no formula. I guess the best answer is just long enough. Long enough to be refreshed but not so long that I lose the habit and also lose the feel for the book I'm working on. Long enough that I start to miss it. 

So, how about you? Whether you're a writer or singer or artist of another kind or you build houses or work in an office, if there's something you do for joy--as a vocation or a hobby--do you ever feel the need to step away from it for a while? If so, how do you decide when to go back to it? I'm interested to know what you think. 

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 23: A Hard Time In My Life

It's day 23--only a week left after this post. Today's topic is a real change of pace. The assignments over the last several days have been fun and mostly lighthearted. Today, though, I am asked to talk about a hard time in my life.

Without question, the hardest time in my life was when my wife and I got divorced. Actually, to be completely accurate, the few years before the legal divorce and the time we finally decided we were going to get divorced were the hardest. Things take so long with the court system that by the time the papers were actually signed and everything was finalized, things were a lot better. But I'll talk about that in a minute.

I don't want to get too personal and I won't speak ill of my ex-wife. She had and has a lot on her plate emotionally and physically and I'm not sure I could say I would have been able to do anything differently than she did if I were in her shoes. Be that as it may, though, there was a point where I found that I just couldn't go on with life the way it was. We were, at best, tense roommates who basically took turns using the public areas of the house. But I couldn't say the words. I couldn't pick up and move out. Looking back, I think the only thing that was stopping me was that I hated the idea of divorce. I actually had concluded that I could learn to be miserable the rest of my life and that I would just be her roommate and caretaker.

But she saved me from it. She asked for the separation and then filed for the divorce. It was then that the emotional and spiritual avalanche hit. I felt like the biggest failure and the most unworthy person on the planet. I turned into a zombie. I went to work, I came home, and anything else I had to be forced to do. I had this fantasy that I was handling it really well and that my students didn't know anything was wrong, but that was shattered one day when a former student stopped by unexpectedly after school. We sat and chatted for a bit before she uncomfortably asked if something was going on. I asked why she thought something was going on, to which she replied that a friend who was in my class asked her why Mr. Stephens was so sad all the time. That was a real wakeup call for me.

And the other thing that pulled me out of the pit of despair (intentional reference to The Princess Bride) was my Sunday School class at my church. Specifically, our teacher, Randy Halterman and his wife Suzanne, Keith and Jennifer Schoenhut, Jonathan and Maria Delgado, and Joe and Brenda Bolian actively supported me through this time. I really question where I would be without them. Keith, who also went through an ugly divorce in years past, and I found immediately that we were brothers. God brought him into my life at exactly the right time. The Schoenhuts, Delgados, and I are a big family now and I just love them to death. They've made me feel worthy of love again.

That was my hardest time. I hope it wasn't too much of a downer.

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 11: If I Won The Lottery

This is day 11 of my 30 day challenge. That means I'm officially in the middle third of the month, which doesn't seem remotely possible. The month will be over before I know it, which will be doubly sad because it will also mean that my trip with my school's choir to Toronto will be over too. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Today's topic is what I'd do if I won the lottery.

First of all, I'll never win the lottery, unless someone gifts me a ticket, because I never play and never will. I'm morally opposed to it, not because I am opposed to the concept of gambling, but because I see it as a hidden tax on the poor. That having been said, what would I do with the money if I did get it? I'd do several things, the first three being responsible and then the rest would be fun.

--Give a bunch of it away. Part would go to my church, Emmanuel Baptist, because I feel like we do a lot of amazing ministries, helping the needy and disenfranchised. I would also give some to Habitat, which is my favorite charity. And I would pay off any of my siblings' debts too. And I would give something DC Comics related to my friends the Schoenhuts and something Marvel Comics related to my friends the Delgados. 

--Set up a scholarship. Specifically, I would set up three writing scholarships, one for each of my county's three public high schools. Depending on the jackpot, they may not be huge, but anything I can do to encourage young writers is something I want to do.

--Put enough away that I won't be hurting for money the rest of my life and then become a full-time writer. I would finish whatever year I'm teaching and then retire. I really do love my kids, but I really don't love much of anything else about teaching anymore. And I find such great joy in writing.

--Travel. The two places I've always wanted to go are Ireland and Hawaii. I'd spend a month in each place. And then I'd go to New York City long enough to see every Broadway show I want to see. 

--New car and new house. Not fancy ones, either. I don't care about that. I'd actually probably get some sort of SUV, like a Ford Escape, and a house in the country that's in good shape, but small. I don't want a huge place that takes forever to clean and costs a fortune to maintain. I don't even need a ton of land. Just enough to be able to take walks in the woods. If the jackpot is big enough, I'd also buy a place on the Outer Banks to live in and rent out when I'm home. 

Wow, I'm a really boring person, aren't I? I just don't want to be one of those people whose life gets destroyed by money. Not that it's likely to be an issue anyway.  

Post in Writing Wranglers and Warriors

As you probably know if you follow me regularly, I am part of a blog group called Writing Wranglers and Warriors. Today, January 22, is my turn to post on that site, so I thought you might like to read it. You can either click the link above, or go HERE to read all about how I have a wonderful friend who serves as my sounding board when I'm trying to decide what to do and where to go with a story.

I Can't Not Be Thankful

When I used to teach underclassmen, I emphasized the rules of writing that were unbreakable. Now that I teach Advanced Placement senior English, I enjoy letting them in on some secrets about effective writing, one being that every rule can be broken if it's for a good reason. Hence the title of my post. It's a double negative, which is strictly prohibited. But it's exactly what I need to say, and when we have to decide between following a rule of grammar and communicating exactly what we want to, always choose the latter.

It's not that I have to be thankful. I don't have to be. It's not a requirement of survival. It's that I'm incapable of ingratitude. I can try not to be, but it's baked right in. And this isn't some statement about how wonderful I am. The exact opposite, really. It's a statement of just how abundantly blessed I am. So blessed am I that any person with just a shred of human emotion and decency would be unable not to feel a deep sense of thankfulness in response.

Here's a brief list of the more outstanding blessings in my life for which I'm thankful:

This is almost everybody. Wish Don could've made the trip.

• Family: At age 52, I find myself in a relatively unique position among my peer group. My entire immediate family, including my parents, are still living. Not only that, we all still love each other and enjoy each other's company. Family events are joyful gatherings, not tense affairs in which everyone walks on eggshells and guards their words. I'm more and more aware of the fact that this is not something to be taken for granted. Specifically, my parents have been such a powerful blessing to me. They took me in without hesitation in my time of need and continue to do so on a daily basis. I can't express in words how much that means to me. So for my family, I am thankful.

I hope you guys realize that you've saved me.

• My Other Family: I don't mean my extended family, though that is something for which I have reason to be grateful. I mean my spiritual family, and, more specifically, my close circle of friends. I've written about these folks so many times that I hope you guys who read this don't find it boring, but I can't overstate how powerful a positive force these folks have been in my life. Keith and Jennifer and Jonathan and Maria are family to me just as completely as if we had all been born blood relatives. They are my brothers and sisters in Christ, but they are brothers and sisters in a more specific way too (though they're all nearly young enough to be my children). They have been my port in the storm. I can text or call or show up at either of their houses without notice and they'll take me in. They love me unconditionally and I them. In the years since my marriage dissolved, they have kept me upright with their undying support. And on top of all these things, they are without question the most fun people I have ever known. I can't be around them and stay unhappy. So for my other family, I am thankful.





Many times through the years, my students have felt like my
family. In a couple of cases, they've become my permanent
children. I love you so much Jenna and Poonam. Could you
have ever guessed you would become sisters?

• My Work: Somebody somewhere said that the ideal job is the intersection between your greatest passion and the worlds' greatest need. Sadly, a lot of people can't say they make a living at that street corner. Their job is a way to make a living but has nothing to do with making a life. It's nothing more than a paycheck. Yes, we can learn to make meaning wherever we are, but I am doubly blessed in that I have a job that I actually enjoy that gives me the opportunity to make a positive impact on the lives of literally thousands of people. I get the privilege of helping to show generations of young people that they are loved and they matter and that they can make a difference in the world. Who could not be grateful for that? So, for my work as a teacher, I am thankful.

• My Other Work: When I sat down that first day to write that first book, I really had no idea at all how joyful a journey I was embarking upon. I may never get to a point where I make a meaningful amount of money doing this, but I've found that money is pretty much the least important form of compensation. I'm compensated in much better ways, like through the friends I've made and the places I've gone and the fulfillment I've felt every time I've finished a book and felt good about the story I've told. Writing, like my family, has been my refuge, my sane place. During those times when I'm writing and I'm the brave, smart, young, talented Harry Shalan instead of just plain old Joe Stephens, all is right with the world. After that, sales are just gravy. So, for my writing, I am thankful.

I could go on for quite a while, but who wants to read that? Before I close this, I want to point out that all of these things for which I'm thankful are from God, the giver of all good gifts. So, rather than having a separate point for that, I want you to see God as shot throughout everything I've said. My prayer is that you can say the same about your life.

Finally, for each of you who take time to read my blogs and books and follow my life as a writer, please know that I don't take you for granted. Sometimes I question whether you're out there, but never for very long because one of you inevitably comes along at just the right time with an encouraging word that sends me back to my keyboard to keep on writing. So, for you, I am thankful.

The Joys of Getting Older

I remember an incident from when I was a kid--preteens maybe. Somebody mentioned how we were approaching a new millennium in a few decades. They talked about how it was going to be a big event. I distinctly recall doing the math in my head and realizing that I was going to be in my late thirties and much too old to really enjoy the festivities. It didn't occur to me that my young, energetic parents were older than that already.

In a little less than a month, I'll turn 52. I've lived on this Earth for more than half a century. Yes, there is a downside to that. My bones are getting creaky and I walk with a slight limp. I can't stay up as late as I used to, though I think that has more to do with my finally having sense enough to know I never could stay up as late as I did. But there is a much larger upside than I ever imagined. Here are a few of the perks of being a geezer, or at least a geezer in training:

• I don't feel like I need to impress people anymore. I remember when I was younger how I wanted people to like and respect me and I did stuff that I really didn't like to get them to do it. I now see the irony in doing things that go against my personal code to gain respect. I have this neat relationship with God and myself now and, while I hope folks like me, I like me and, if you don't, well, that's your loss. Besides, I have the most amazing set of friends anyone could ever hope for, so any more would just be gravy. Mmm...gravy. 

• I have perspective. I used to see every negative event in my life as a disaster on a scale only Irwin Allen could depict. For all you young whippersnappers, look him up. You'll understand what I mean. But now that I've seen a lot more of those events come and go I now see that they're gone and I'm still here. My old speech teacher, seeing me do my Chicken Little imitation (look him up while you're at it) would look at me in the middle of a rant about how my world was coming to an end and simply say, "And the sun will come up tomorrow." He was trying to point out to me that life would go on and things would get better. Or they wouldn't. And either way it was going to be okay. 

• I feel like I have a new role. When I first started working at my school, I was the youngest teacher on the staff. Somewhere along the line, though, something happened and I became one of the oldest. I used to be one of those young pups that constantly looked to the veteran teachers, especially my mentors, Dan and Becky Daniel, for ideas and guidance. Well, this year, an amazing first year teacher who happened to be my student teacher last year is working right across the hall from me. I have the honor of giving her my perspectives when she comes to me troubled with something that happened in her class or looking for guidance. Yes, she's been to school more recently and may have some innovative ideas that I've not heard of, but I know what's important and what can be left alone for a bit. And in my circle of friends, my nerd night buddies, when I joked that I was the DOFF (Designated Old Fart Friend) of the group, my good friend Jonathan said he sees me as the wise intelligent one. When the heck did that happen? 

• I'm more comfortable in my skin. I've lived my whole life in a battle against my gut. I don't remember a time in my life when I wasn't either dieting or breaking my diet. From the time my mom took me shopping in the husky department at Sears & Roebuck (yes, it was once called that), I've been aware that I'm fat. And for the first time ever, I can live with that. Yes, I try to walk (not run--see previous creaky bones comment) and lift weights when I can and I generally eat a healthy diet because I just feel better when I do. But I also have some pizza when I want to with not even a little regret. I'm trying to lose some weight so my bones will creak less and the doctor won't be so insistent on putting me on cholesterol medications, but not because I'm worried that I look fat. When I used to look in the mirror, I always saw a fattie. Actually, I still do, but I don't try to suck my gut in and pretend I'm skinny anymore. 

There you go. I would add more, but I'm old and I forgot them. I guess that is a joy. I can experience things for the first time over and over. So forgive me if I accidentally write this post again next week.